smoke

I see every stream of smoke
it made its way toward me
but as soon as I reached for it
it stopped and swirled away

but then it came back
teasing me, taunting me
caressing my face
knowing that I would cave

whispering that it cared for me
and that I was special to it
yet as soon as I showed all I had
it swarmed away

why does it like to hurt me?
the only thing consistent about it is the pain
I see it for a few times
then I don’t see it in a million days

I’m tired of confronting it
I’m tired of dialoging with it
because it just makes fake promises
and keeps me at its place

my heart is exhausted
and my mind out of state
I wish I was able to forget it
and pretend it never stayed

at one point you made me feel so good
you swept through my body
kissed my sorrow away
made every hair vibrate

you kissed my neck
and my stomach too
you grabbed my thighs
and made your way through

my body mind and soul are aroused as I reminisce
heavy hands that  transmitted heat
you healed my pain and took it away
all in exchange for pleasure and praise

I still remember your hands on my chest
grabbing on to avoid falling through
straight into my heart
like a bullet would

my hands felt nice on your back
and a kiss on your shoulders is all I ever had
yet you took my soul with you
and have never given it back

I yearn to be with my soul
thus I yearn to be with you
and I hate to admit it
because I know you don’t feel the same I do.

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